D3 body, D1 cock
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
