who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
