Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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