He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she told me i tasted like america
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
