i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
