You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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