I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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