Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
