At least make sure they are 18
Why
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
