The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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