THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i think i have herpe
just one?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
