I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
