Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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