Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
