You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
