If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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