I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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