I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
