No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
