i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
