Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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