i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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