I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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