hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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