i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
