You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
