I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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