We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
