Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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