I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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