His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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