someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
