she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Just cropdusted the office
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
