great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
