just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
