Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
as a side note pls kill me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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