i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
COCAINE IS GR8
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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