I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
