I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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