Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he was CRYING into my vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
