butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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