I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
