i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Randomize
