The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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