Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
