i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
