bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
