so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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