Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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