Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
