How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
