I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
