I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
