What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
