I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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