but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
